My Tail

I think this last month has been the hardest month I have on record. Work has been hard. My personal life has been hard. A lot of that is bought on myself, but a lot of it is not. I have made some mistakes in the last month that I never really thought I would be guilty of. It's amazing what you can do and not think twice about that hurts somebody else. It brings on a lot of stress that leaves plenty to be desired.
I met a girl at Clemson a few weeks ago that had a tattoo on her foot that said "friendship, love, and loyalty." I thought about that a lot. I thought it sounded a whole lot like the things I desire for my life. And then I thought over time about how I had hurt a few people doing things I never thought I would be guilty of. It turns out some days I am nowhere near that code.
It was probably a few days after I saw the tattoo that I read something that my mom sent me. She sends me things to read all the time. Some are beyond annoying and some are very motherly and wonderful. It told a story about a couple who were trying to get this gecko (lizard for the mainlanders) out of their house. It went on for a little while and then they had finally trapped it they went to pick it up and its tail fell off. They couldn't figure out why that happened. So they researched what they had done to make sure they hadn't mortally wounded the animal. They found out that its tail falling off is a defense mechanism to protect it from predators. I always knew that since I'm blessed to be Hawai'ian. But the moral of the story was sometimes to free yourself to really live you need to get rid of your tail or whatever holds you down. Its been a long time coming since I have spent this much time in prayer and seeking what God has in store for my life. And although I hate the decisions I have made. I know I am very loved, and very forgiven. Tomorrow is coming and I am trying to get rid of my tail. Freedom is a wonderful thing. Its the blessing that comes from embracing where you are and looking towards the future. There are amazing plans for my life. And regardless of what I did yesterday or the day before. Tomorrow is a new day and Jesus love me :)